I really trying hard not to miss you

I really trying hard not to keep text you

I really trying hard not to disturb your daily life

I really trying hard not to care about you so much more

But...

I failed to do that

I miss you 

miss a lot

really a lot

I wish to know what are you doing now

I want to be part of your life

I care about you

You...

let me feel that I am unnecessary

let me feel that I am always disturb you 

let me feel that I just a people who will think when you are free and alone

Nothing to scare about lonely

but, when you already have a lover

and the feeling of loneliness will make you fell weak 

I know I always messed up thing

but I already try my best not to messed up

I really try

but 

do you know I am trying?

obviously

you didn't know at all

I have feeling too

but do you care?

I miss the feel that when you will care bout me

the feeling you will ask how I feel today

the feeling when you worry that I have take my meal or not

the feeling you put me at first place in your heart

the feeling when you "manja" to me

the feeling you talk joke to make me laugh

I understand you will spend your time with friend 

I understand friend is lot more important to you

I understand they are your family 

I understand you care about them

but how about me?

do you spare some time for me?

do you remember me?

do you ever think about me even if I didn't give you any message?

do you ever worry about my feeling when you spend the whole day with your friend ?

do you ever text me automatic except for the "morning"?

I miss you all the time

but would you miss me too?

Everynight 

I am thinking 

why I need to be cry under the blanket and no one to be share ?

and why you will so enjoy and happy with your friend ?

why I need to be so sad and you be so happy?

so unfair!!!

I have try consider before

what if we try to separate for three years?

will everything be ok ?

or 

we will getting far and far far more?

everything will be different after three years right?

Time flies, People change

do I need to take that step?

do I need to take the risk ?

do I need to consider it?